The Magic in Reaching Out to Others

Strategy & Planning
Written By Claire Bernson

Summary:

Feeling stuck? Don't go it alone. Whether you're reaching out to old colleagues or making new connections, there are simple ways to ask for help that build lasting relationships and get you the insights you need. The secret isn't having the perfect network - it's being willing to be real about what you need and trusting that people actually want to help.

 

What’s in it for you:

  • You're ready to create meaningful connections that go beyond "networking"

  • You're looking for practical ways to reach out that feel natural, not forced

  • You want to learn how to make it easy for others to help you

  • You're tired of trying to figure everything out alone

 

Helia’s Perspective

I often spend hours going solo - with random ideas or questions or just general uncertainties flowing through my head.  Or googling and searching - or now, chat-gpt’ing - to try to get at something inside my head.

Then, eventually, I learned that actually, pretty much every single thing that I’m struggling with in my head or not quite sure about how to get into - a convo with someone makes it all feel better.  Brings perspective.  New insight.  A connection to teh person I’m wondering about.  

Examples:

  • Asking a friend’s new girlfriend (now wife!), Kate Schmidt, as an expert comms human,  how their company handled internal communications… and realizing it was hard everywhere/always - and there were so many ways to do it better! 

  • After I kept over AND under-forecasting revenue predictions month after month, my cousin Amy Millard gave me a few tricks  that literally made me able to breathe again and reduced EVERYONE’S stress and helped me trust myself again..

  • In struggling to figure out how to even start to approach Helia’s design and the UX as I know not quite right, and when I asked for someone I could work with/talk to, my colleague, Marina Nitze, reminded me I could just chat with few users and make sure I have google analytics set up.  And after one convo a few hours later (spontaneous with Shantell Steve over Moroccan mint tea), had a million new ideas flowing.

These are the conversations that sparked the concept of the Helia Library, and we thought we’d get specific on how you can create these ah-ha moments too! 

So our advice : phone a friend, text a colleague, email your network. There's beauty and power in not figuring it all out alone. We get to share and learn from each other - and that makes everything possible!

What this Looks Like in Practice

  • Take a minute, close your eyes, and imagine who in your perfect world would help you out. Then:

    If you know them → Reach out immediately, whether you talked yesterday or three years ago! People are genuinely flattered to be asked for advice. That colleague from two jobs ago? They probably have exactly the perspective you need.

    If you don't know them → Start imagining why they came to mind and what they might say. This often leads you to someone in your network who DOES know them, or gives you great content for finding the right person.

    The best outreach happens when you're thinking about actual humans, not abstract "networking opportunities." I once reached out to someone I hadn't talked to in four years because I remembered how thoughtfully they approached team restructuring. Best conversation I had that month!

  • The difference between getting a helpful response and getting a polite "let me know how I can help" is specificity.

    Instead of: "I'd love to pick your brain about fundraising" Try: "I'm putting together our first major donor strategy and wondering how you approach those initial conversations with potential $10K+ donors."

    Give folks context - where you are in the process, what you're facing, why you're asking them specifically. The more you can guide people toward what would actually be helpful, the better the response will be.

    And if you're not sure what you need? That's okay too! Just describe where you are and ask for whatever might help you move to next.

  • For the initial outreach/request, I’m a fan of emails as my go-to’s - and texts to those in my inner circle.  AND I’m old school.  DMs might be the way to go - and Sixto Cancel is brilliant at just picking up the phone with a call!

    Once you move beyond the initial outreach, choose the format that works for both of you. Love conversations? Set up a call. Want multiple perspectives? Try an email to a group (bcc everyone unless they know each other OR a LinkedIn post?  Need quick input? Texting with a quick poll works too!

    One of my fave moments of this of all times - Marina Nitze  (as also mentioned above!) wrote up her Theory of Change and Strategic Plan and shared it with a ton of partners, advisors, funders and colleagues for collective review, inviting everyone to add comments and ideas together. It was brilliant - and brought SO many of us into what she was thinking and what might be possible together (especially for those of us who love the written word and don't always want lots of 1:1 convos!).

    The key is making this YOURS - there's no right or wrong way! (What a beautiful concept!)

  • Everything we do is a product of everyone around us - our experiences, our learnings, what others have tried. When someone shares their wisdom, what we create becomes something WE did together.

    So honor that! Send an appreciation text, loop back on how you used their insights, take a moment to celebrate together. This might seem simple, but it's actually one of the most important things you can do - both for building long-term connections and for creating a beautiful world full of gratitude and shared wisdom.

    I keep a running note of people who've helped me with specific challenges, and I try to circle back within a few weeks to share how their advice played out. Those follow-up messages often turn into the richest ongoing conversations.

My son, J, and I at his HS graduation.  Almost any human you’ve gone to school with, worked with, served on a board or committee or volunteered with - these are the humans you reach out to!!!!!

Secret Sauce & Takeaways

  • People genuinely want to help: Most folks are flattered to be asked for their expertise and insights

  • Specificity gets better responses: The clearer you are about what you need, the more helpful people can be

  • Your network is bigger than you think: Include former colleagues, people you've met once, friends of friends

  • Follow-up creates relationships: Closing the loop transforms one-time asks into ongoing connections

  • There's no perfect format: Use whatever communication style feels natural to you

Text message exchanges while trying to figure out the name for Helia - quick feedback at it’s finest!!!

Questions to Ask Yourself

  • Who in my network has faced something similar to what I'm dealing with?

  • What specifically do I need help with, and how can I make that clear to others?

  • How comfortable am I with asking for help, and what's holding me back?

  • When someone helps me, how do I show appreciation and close the loop?

  • What expertise do I have that I could share with others?

 

Want to Try This?

 

This article is from Jess Skylar’s (Helia’s co-founder) perspective. These articles form the heart of the Helia Library—because we've learned the most from doing and from talking with other doers willing to share their wisdom. We don't need to start from blank pages or do it all alone.

As always, take what's helpful, leave what's not, and make it your own.

Love this article? Have a suggestion? We want to hear it all. Share feedback on this article here, and on The Helia Collective as a whole here.

Claire Bernson
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