I Want to Love My Job Again: Why to Get a Coach

Written By Claire Bernson

Summary:

When an unexpected opportunity turned into overwhelming isolation, one rural nonprofit leader found themselves shutting down emotionally just to survive. Their journey from crisis to coaching to loving their work again shows how the right support can help you find your way back to yourself—and why you don't have to carry it all alone.

 

What’s in it for you:

  • You're feeling isolated and overwhelmed in your leadership role

  • You're curious about how coaching actually works and what makes it effective

  • You're wondering if you should "be able to handle this yourself"

  • You want to love your work again but don't know how to get there

 

Helia’s Perspective

This was one of the first convos I had a chance to have and it sat with me for days and days as it was so honest and relatable.  I felt both really honored that they trusted me with their story and  really lucky they’re letting us share it - and doing so anonymously at their request to make sure there are no possible implications for their work. 

It brought me to a week or so of reflection around how, yet again, I’m not alone in how hard this all can be and how powerful it can be to hear someone else honestly share their story.  Feeling all the things - really sad (and maybe a little angry?!?!) at how much we all hold and internalize, curious about what all the forces and influences and realities that make this such a shared experience AND grateful that, nearly always, human connections and guidance are the way through.

It also feels really special that the coach they worked with, Nancy Fournier, also shared their perspective in the companion article When to Get a Coach: How to Stop Feeling So Alone - which explores how to recognize when you need support and what makes coaching relationships work (and how they can often help us to take a deep breath and let our shoulders fall down.

Story

I didn't set out to be an Executive Director. I was 29 when the opportunity came up—totally unexpected. A community partner from the community where I grew up reached out and said, "There's this nonprofit that's trying to get off the ground. No staff, no ED, just a board and some vision. You interested?"

It just fell into my lap. I wasn't pursuing ED roles—I was way too young for that. But I've always loved a good challenge, and I was passionate about the mission. So I took a huge pay cut and jumped in. The organization had almost no money and barely any infrastructure, but I was ready to build.

Those first few years were mostly smooth sailing. We built strong partnerships with the court system, developed programming around youth justice needs, and things were going well. Looking back, I think I fooled myself about how easy it was. There were challenges, but there always seemed to be an obvious pathway forward.

But as public health and racial equity came to the forefront in 2020, everything that had once felt manageable suddenly didn't anymore.

Our values started clashing with our system partners. At our organization, we work to help children and families overcome challenges, prioritizing their needs and desires first. But many of our partnerships are contractual, and from some partners' perspective, "Well, we pay you to offer us a service, so we should be the priority."

As I tried to manage these tensions and preserve the organization, I ended up—very unintentionally, but understandably—breaking trust with my staff. There were all these little moments where the trust just kept eroding while I was trying to do this dance with our partners, pushing back but only to the point where it felt safe.

And then I became a parent for the first time.

The first weeks of my daughter's life were the most overwhelmed I've ever been. I shut my heart off to my professional world. It was the only way I could keep going. Good leadership balances your head and heart, but I was just trying to be as completely logical as possible because that was all I could access. When you lead with your head and shut off your heart, something gets lost. I lost connection with my team. I lost my ability to see clearly. And I lost joy in my work.

I'll never forget sitting alone in my office one day thinking, "I can't do this by myself anymore." I had been trying to bring things to my board, but I realized the support I needed went beyond what any individual or the collective board could offer.

So I emailed the director of organizational effectiveness at a regional foundation—someone I'd never met before. I told them I was in crisis. Two days later, they got on the phone with me, and I cried for an hour. I put together a document summarizing what was going on, and while we talked, she said, "Yeah, this is your crisis document." I said, "That's a thing?" And she said, "Yeah, it's your crisis document."

Then she asked, "Have you ever considered getting a coach?"

I hadn't. I'd never worked somewhere where leaders had coaches. It wasn't something that got invested in at the small nonprofit startups where I'd worked. But when she said it out loud, it felt so obvious.

It felt urgent.

I interviewed three coaches and chose Nancy. The first year of our work together was mostly about getting me out of the pit. The anxiety, impostor syndrome, guilt, and shame—my shame was holding me back from moving forward. I felt so bad about the mistakes I'd made that I couldn't focus on how to fix anything. She had to pull me out.

And then slowly, everything started to shift.

Eventually, I could breathe again. I could think again. We started working on concrete things like board engagement strategy and long-term planning. I told Nancy in one of our first sessions, "I want to love my job again. If you can do anything for me, help me love my job again." And we accomplished that.

We've weathered the storm. We rebuilt trust, which took a long time—you can't rush these things. We restructured our management into a flatter organization where I share power with my team. Our communication is so good right now. We're highly collaborative.

Now if another crisis hits, I won't be facing it alone. Coaching didn't save me, but it gave me a way back to myself, my work, and my team.

What Made Coaching Work

Finding the right coaching relationship was transformative for them. Their process holds lessons for anyone seeking this kind of support - something I have learned over and over again!!!

  • The right match matters: They interviewed multiple coaches and chose someone who led with empathy rather than immediately focusing on what they had done wrong. "I needed to be released from the amount of guilt I was carrying because it was weighing me down so much." I love how they trusted their intuition on what they needed.

  • Structure with flexibility: Their coach uses a "choose your own adventure" prep document with open-ended questions like "What was a success this week, no matter how small?" and "What else do you need from me right now?" There’s no pressure to fill out the entire thing, just what calls (which I LOVE!).

  • Reciprocity in the relationship: "She expects something from me, but I also expect something from her." Note that I also so appreciate how their coach provides detailed notes after each session.  I had a coach do this for me once - and it always felt like I was “being held”, a theme these days in my world! 

  • Adaptive to changing needs: As they moved from crisis to growth, their coach adjusted expectations and approach, eventually setting new standards for preparation and shifting the focus to proactive planning.

Questions you might want to sit with

  • Bring your full self to the process: The leaders who experience transformational coaching are those who engage deeply with the work rather than treating it as an obligation. As Nancy observed about these clients: "They valued themselves at a totally different level. I can't take credit. When I think of them, each one of them is insightful and they worked hard on themselves."

  • Trust your intuition about if you can work with this person: Goodness of fit matters.  Talk to a few coaches and get a sense of their style and approach.  Coaching is all about the relationship and you should  feel comfortable.  Does this person “get you”?  Do they hear you?  Can you learn from them?  Come to that initial conversation with some clear questions (Nancy’s recommended’s THESE!).   

  • Address isolation proactively: A coach can help break the isolation AND you will need a network of peers. "My clients get homework to consciously develop meaningful support systems," Nancy shared. "Let's figure out who you want to connect with. Who are you going to call and go out to coffee with sometime between now and when we next talk. Because they've got some wisdom for you and they're also experiencing similar things. So you're going to feel less alone by reaching out to others with intention."

  • Understand what's yours to change and what isn't: "I help them figure out what's their internal  tape that you're never going to change. One client of mine has a tape that will never change – that she is more analytical than most of the people she's working around. It's not going to change. That is how she's built. She's a strategic analytical thinker. What is in her control is  the  other negative stuff that gets wrapped around  how she  shows up in the world.  Its about embracing your assets unapologetically and limiting that internal dialogue which can be brutal in our self-assessment."

  • Leadership is relationship: "That's all work is – your leadership is relationships. That's my primary focus: how are you managing down with your staff, how are you managing up with your Board, and how are you managing across with funders and partners. That's it. It's all relationship. You know how to do a capital campaign? God love you. But it comes down to relationship. You know how to create good psychosocial assessments for clients? That's fabulous. But to make this really work and make an impact t's relationship. How you 'be' with people, how you feel about yourself finding that sweet spot where you can be genuine and confident in your leadership."

Questions to Ask Yourself

  • What are you holding by yourself?  What's the cost of holding it all alone?

  • What would support look like if it wasn't about fixing, but about witnessing and guiding?

  • What relationships do you have (or could you build) to bring you the support you need?

  • What's something you've been afraid to name?

  • When have you shut your heart off to keep going?

 

Want to Try This?

 

About the Library Contributor

This story comes from a nonprofit leader in the rural South who requested anonymity to protect their professional relationships. Their organization serves youth and families in their community, working to create positive change while navigating complex system partnerships.

This article comes from a coffee chat with a beautiful leader in April 2025. These conversations form the heart of the Helia Library – because I've learned the most from doing and from talking with other doers willing to share their wisdom. We don't need to start from blank pages or do it all alone.

As always, take what's helpful, leave what's not, and make it your own.

Love this article? Have a suggestion? We want to hear it all. Share feedback on this article here, and on The Helia Collective as a whole here.

Claire Bernson
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