Build a GREAT Board: Nancy’s Relationship-First Framework
Summary
Board relationships don't have to be a constant drain or feel like choosing between being supported and being frustrated. Nancy Fournier has coached hundreds of nonprofit leaders and says literally EVERY director she works with has some struggle with their board — but it doesn't have to stay that way. Her relationship-first approach transforms boards from a legal requirement into genuine partners who open doors you can't open on your own.
What’s in it for you:
You want board members who open doors and solve problems with you, not create more work
You need a board that's actually useful in this moment when nonprofits are getting hit from every direction
You're dealing with everything from gala napkin-color debates to members who ghost your emails and no one is showing up with help that you can actually use
Your board meetings are a drain that you dread rather than a gathering where you are confident you receive thought partnership
Helia’s Perspective
I've been lucky to mostly love working with the boards I've had — the Think of Us board was a dream. I felt both supported AND called to keep going higher, doing better, and seeing what was possible. AND I've been on boards that felt like a constant drain — committees we were constantly preparing for, limited attendance and engagement (I've been on one board with a member I have legit NEVER met in two years), wanting to know EVERYTHING and not trusting... It's a wide range.
The reality is that boards exist, there are good reasons they exist, AND it's up to all of us — whether we are sitting on a board, managing a board, or supporting prep for board meetings — to make them work, add value and feel good! And, in a moment where things feel, well, hard(!), the idea of being able to sit in relationship and collaboration and have a broader base working collectively toward something, sounds exactly right!
Nancy's wisdom, all starting with the relationship, feels very practical, pragmatic and right on: Get at least seven solid members, have a great relationship with your chair (or whoever holds the power), lay it all on the table, and, my favorite, make it work!
Nancy’s Story
As a nonprofit leadership coach with over 20 years of experience, Nancy has worked with literally hundreds of executive directors. "I don't have an ED that does not struggle with their board on some level," she told me. "It can be intense like ‘My chair has always hated me and wants to fire me,’ to ‘They're the biggest pain in the ass,’ to ‘I can’t even get to quorum.’
She's seen everything from boards deciding the color of gala napkins to those who continually undermine the organization's leader, but most are just clueless about how to be an effective, joyful board. "There's just a lot," Nancy says. But what she noticed was a pattern: "I think a lot of nonprofit leaders are ambivalent about how involved they want their board to be. They think, ‘These people don't understand my field. They haven't taken the time to become experts in what we do. So, I don't really want to take the time because there's no value added. I just want them to maybe read my emails and definitely raise money.’"
This mindset, Nancy realized, was the root of so many board problems. "To me, it's the saddest thing in the world, as somebody who sits on a board (and I'm not good for money), not to have what I bring to the table leveraged on behalf of the organization. I'm good for other things!"
Her breakthrough came from a simple realization: "Find out each board member's value-add, and make it your business to leverage it, whether it is their contacts, their professional skills, their passion, their lived experience — figure out how it can help your organization.You can't do that unless you take the time to get to know each person in a three-dimensional way."
The three things to start immediately
Before diving into specific scenarios, Nancy emphasizes three foundational practices every executive director should begin doing right now:
1. Build a deep relationship with your board chair (or influence leader): "Invest in the relationship with the chair or whoever the person is who has most influence over the group. Doesn't have to be the person with the title, but who's the influence leader?" Nancy strongly recommends bi-weekly coffees or regular check-ins with board chairs. "It's like the best half an hour investment you can make." Use this time to build the relationship, strategize on upcoming decisions, talk through board member engagement, and problem-solve together. Think of them as your thought partner, not as an obligatory meeting because they have a title.
2. Ask your board what they want to know and how they want to receive it: "I know very few leaders who ask their board members what they want to know about the organization as opposed to just deciding what they think the board should hear." This is foundational work that most EDs skip. As experts, they are confident on what the board should see at their board meetings, but there is often a content gap that, over time, leads to board dis-engagement. Find out: Are they visual learners who want charts? Do they want three-page updates or voice memos? What decisions do they actually care about versus what you assume they should know?
3. Create engaging board meetings with clear outcomes: "Nobody likes to be talked at. You've got to re-think board engagement and frame your time with them as what outcome do you want to reach instead of what information you want to give them." Stop information dumps. Use meeting time for discussion and decision-making. Send information in advance and assume they can read. Before each meeting, ask yourself: What decision(s) needs to be made? What outcome do I want? Take the time to plan ways to spark conversation and deliberation in board meetings.
What this looks like in practice
Nancy's approach transforms boards from frustrating obligations into genuine strategic partners — but it requires different strategies depending on what you're dealing with.
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What Nancy recommends: Start with individual relationship-building, not group fixes. "Meet for coffee or a beer or go for a walk or do whatever it is that you do, and get a sense of who that person is and why they want to be on the board and what they think they have to offer, because that is a director is your arsenal." You also need to cull out the dead weight on your board — those who have been there forever and are no longer contributing but everyone is scared to ask them to step down for fear of losing contacts or a source of donations.
Why this matters: "I know very few executive directors who consciously do this. While it is important for all members, investing in relationship-building with the board chair is super important because very few board chairs really understand what they are supposed to do and how to do it." Most EDs skip this step and then wonder why their board feels disconnected. You can't leverage someone's value unless you know what it is. There also seems to be a taboo about confronting the issue of nonparticipation and/or long-serving members. “You cannot expect to set a culture of active engagement when there is tacit agreement to allow different members to operate under different sets of expectations. We don’t talk about it but older, white, wealthy members are often given a pass on participation because of their access to money. I see this as an outsider looking in and it is not a good look.”
How to make it happen: Schedule one-on-one time with each board member — not to talk about organizational business, but to really get to know them and what they want to get out of being on your board. “This is different from relationship building. Ask: Why are you on this board? What do you care about? What do you think you have to offer? Then, get rid of dead weight gracefully — create board emeritus or advisory roles for people who've been there 15 years and rarely show up. Find a way to acknowledge their contribution but don’t waste a board seat.”
For tips on how to develop a strong relationship with your Board Chair, check out Nancy’s Blog Post ‘Seven Steps To Support Your Nonprofit Chair to be a Strong Leader’ or her podcast ‘Tips for Bonding with Your Nonprofit Board Chair’.
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What Nancy recommends: Start with creating shared expectations about what you need from each other. "What are you looking to me for? What type of issues do you want to hear about? How often do you want to hear it? How do you best approach me if you need something?" This isn't just about fixing problems — it's about building a real strategic partnership.
Why this matters: Your chair needs support to be effective, and they are your key to unlocking the rest of the board. Many chairs have no idea how to do this role well because "nobody ever teaches them." When you invest in this relationship, they can help create relationships with other board members and ensure promises are followed through on.
How to make it happen: Schedule regular one-on-ones with your board chair outside of meeting prep. Use this time to strategize together on how to get dialogue going among the board about crises, reductions in funds, or major organizational decisions. Make them your thought partner in problem-solving, not just someone who runs meetings. They need to know you have their back by giving them good, timely information and using their time and skills judiciously.
If you are struggling with how to re-set your relationship with your Board members, Nancy’s podcast on ‘Managing Hard Conversations With Your Nonprofit Board Chair’ will give you some practical tips to get the dialogue going. You can punch up the level of engagement in your Board meetings by rethinking the meeting agenda and how your Executive Director reports. This guide for impactful board meetings should spark your thinking of new ways to convey important information and re-designing the purpose of the meetings.
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What Nancy recommends: Pick your battles strategically and replace micromanagement with more appropriate engagement. "Sometimes you just have to let them have the thing. Like, your job is to focus on the marriage and not get stressed over the wedding. You know, if a board member is hung up on how often the organization holds community ‘meet and greet’ events, let it go. Is that the hill you want to die on?"
Why this matters: Not all overinvolvement is the same. "Certainly not around personnel issues, certainly not around programmatic issues, but if it’s about the font of the newsletter, what the volunteer recognition event looks like, you know, if it floats this board person's boat, let them have it."
How to make it happen: Draw bright lines around personnel and programmatic issues as areas owned by you and not the board, but let them have the small stuff. Make sure you are reinforcing a macro-strategic posture by how you frame issues, what your presentations look like, etc. Channel their interest into macro-level strategy work. For programmatic overinvolvement, sometimes let them shadow what's actually happening so they can test their assumptions against reality. If micromanagement continues in important areas, "bring up both the consistency and potential liability issues when they get that involved."
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What Nancy recommends: Set clear boundaries immediately. This includes board members having relationships and conversations with staff that you do not know about. Usually this looks like board members calling staff to get "inside information," or staff calling board members to complain, or board members sharing confidential information with staff.
Why this matters: These relationships create liability issues and undermine you as the leader. "If a board member is giving conflicting personnel advice, or is undermining personnel procedures, or undermining the authority of your leadership, that can very easily lead to inappropriate terminations, which can easily lead to lawsuits."
How to make it happen: Have clear conversations about lanes and boundaries. Sometimes bring in outside facilitators under the guise of board development to explain the destructive impact of these relationships. Your board chair should help police these boundaries. If it continues, address both the consistency and legal liability issues directly.
Just like poor fences make bad neighbors, weak staff/board boundaries can be a death blow nonprofits. Nancy’s blog post, How to Create Healthy Nonprofit Board and Staff Boundaries, identifies ways to create and maintain clear lanes between staff and board roles. Blurred boundaries can play out at Board meetings. If you are unclear if your staff should attend Board meetings and what role they should play once they are there, you might want to listen to ‘Should Nonprofit Staff Attend Board Meetings?’.
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What Nancy recommends: Stop thinking about your board as just a source of fundraising. "That is a real mistake," Nancy says. "People won't raise money until they're engaged." Get them engaged first — with the work, with each other, with the mission.
Why this matters: You can't just expect people to write checks or ask their friends for money if they don't truly understand and care about your work. The more engaged your board members are, the more doors they'll open and connections they'll make. When they're invested, they'll leverage their networks naturally.
How to make it happen: Start with three-dimensional relationship building. Find out what each person cares about and what they bring. Invite them to see programs in action. Use their expertise for legal contracts, strategic thinking, and community connections. Connect their skills to your actual needs — revenue strategy (different from "raise money for me"), community positioning, etc. Once they're truly invested, the fundraising will follow.
Team development with my favorite clients
Takeaways
If there's one thing you should do: Build a deep relationship with your board chair or influence leader — meet bi-weekly and strategize together. They should be your thought partner who helps create relationships with other board members.
Set the foundation for everything else: Ask your board what they want to know and how they want to receive it, instead of assuming what you should tell them. Then create engaging meetings focused on outcomes, not information dumps.
Accept that board development is your job: "The care and feeding of your board is your job, and it's not going to always be convenient. It's a pain in the neck," but it's necessary. Be thoughtful about logistics — when you meet, whether you need childcare, if you're feeding people.
Common pitfalls to avoid: Don't look at your board as just a source of fundraising — engage them first and money will follow. Don't let inappropriate staff/board relationships slide — address boundaries immediately.
If you're bringing in a trainer for your board, make sure you meet with them first and feel confident they know their stuff and are engaging. "If you get your board together for an hour or an hour and a half with a shitty trainer, you have poisoned the well. And it's so hard to come back from that."
What makes this work well: Your mindset. “Remember that it takes work. It takes a lot of intentionality, but when done right, the board can be an incredible asset. It can open up doors you can't open on your own, create relationships you don't have on your own, give you a second set of eyes and ears."
Questions to ask yourself
How do I honestly feel about my board, and is that affecting how I engage with them?
Can I identify what specific value I get from each board member, beyond just hoping they'll write checks?
Do I have a real strategic relationship with my board chair where we problem-solve together regularly?
Am I asking my board what they actually want to know, or assuming what I should tell them?
Does the information I provide them reinforce what I need from them or does it keep them passive and uninvolved?
Want to Try This?
Templates & Guides:
Nancy's* complete board relationship framework with all 9 elements, from recruitment through retirement (check out her blog series at Blog: Relish Your Role)
Board self-assessment tools from the National Council of Nonprofits — Nancy* recommends these as accessible and practical
Board Chair Checklist — a one-page guide to help you focus on the three Board chair responsibilities: managing the board, ensuring a strategic focus, and maintaining a thought partnership with the ED.
Board Room Mind has a good step-by-step template of steps to get an engaged board. They are a for-profit group but their free tools are valuable.
Recommended Reads:
Blue Avocado for occasional, thoughtful pieces on strategic board recruitment — Nancy* says they use good language AND practical approaches
The New Hampshire Center on Nonprofits board assessment tool (free for members) —"as good as anybody's" per Nancy*!
National Council for Nonprofits has "very down to earth and very accessible" board resources
Connections
Nancy Fournier* offers a range of support — email her at fournierconsultants@gmail.com with the subject line “Helia Help”. We highly recommend Nancy’s* 90-minute board strategy sessions. She specializes in helping EDs improve board functioning and relationships. Think of it as a "quick little marriage counseling" session between leaders and board chairs when there's tension or disconnect.
Michael Chae* offers consultation from the perspectives of his experience as an ED, COO, and board member working with high functioning boards and ones that need renewal. Learn more about Michael at 30-Ahead.com and/or email him at mchae@30-Ahead.com
*Helia Collective Member
About the Contributor
Nancy Fournier spent her previous life running a bed and breakfast in New Orleans and doing weddings (which she says was great training for coaching!). Now she's a nonprofit leadership coach who's worked with hundreds of executive directors over 20 years.
She's currently obsessed with buying a tractor for her Vermont property — if she wins the lottery, that would be her first purchase, which has "totally transcended shoes" as her previous splurge of choice.
This article comes from a coffee chat with Nancy in September 2025. These conversations form the heart of the Helia Library – because I've learned the most from doing and from talking with other doers willing to share their wisdom. We don't need to start from blank pages or do everything alone.
As always, take what's helpful, leave what's not, and make it your own.
appreciating the work of revolutionary puppetry
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